I've been reflecting back on who I used to be. I was not at all the person I am now. I don't know who she is anymore. I used to be detached, a mere observer of life unable to "feel" much of anything. That came from a fear of loving other people. I was afraid of rejection, so it was just better not to get involved at all. I was also very unhappy back then. My life finally came full circle for reasons which I won't go into here, but I finally learned to open myself to receiving love and therefore, I've got so much of it now that I can't seem to give it all away.
I've also been observing people in my daily environments: work, church, and in the community. There are three basic types:
1. Love of "I" People: These people suffer from insecure egos and MUST have their own way if it harelips the governor. They chase emotional fulfillment through the pursuit of selfish pleasures. They ask:
"What will I get out of this?"
" What's in it for me?"
"Does this fit my agenda?"
Such people don't want to be burdened with anyone else, whether the situation is good or bad. Due to their self-centeredness, they'll eventually come to find that there aren't many people who genuinely care about them because they haven't cultivated any such relationships. They're usually defensive, insecure, cynical, and oppressive. They cannot give love since they don't have it to give, and they don't know how to accept love that's offered to them.
King Solomon went through an "I" period. Read Ecclesiastes Chapter 2 all the way through. Yes, he was gifted with wisdom, but it seems he took the long route getting there. I'm currently reading from the NIV, and it's astounding the number of times he says "I." He's says repeatedly, "I did __________ for myself." He was actively fulfilling his own agenda for quite some time as he tells us in the corpus of the text of Ecclesiastes. Each time he was left feeling in want, still unsatisfied.
2. Love of "It" People: These people are fixated on acquiring things in their pursuit of happiness. They want: (1) something new; (2) to go shopping (a/k/a "retail therapy"); (3) to buy a gift for someone to assuage guilty feelings; (4) to build a surplus of money in order to feel secure (not necessarily a bad thing unless it's all-consuming); and (5) to acquire artifacts of success in order to impress others they don't really like anyway.
Other people are just things to these type of people as well. They're just useful tools. "Love of "It" People" lead meaningless, shallow lives.
Again, most of Ecclesiastes speaks of Solomon's compilation of material wealth. He also lists man servants and maid servants, and men and women singers (Eccl. 2: 7-8). He lists them among his possessions here. It's like he didn't even recognize them as human beings made in the image of God like himself.
3. Love of "You" People: These people truly love and respect others and are compassionate towards others' humanity. They pour themselves wholeheartedly into their friendships and livelihoods for they understand their higher purpose is lifting up others and glorifying God. It is their pleasure to do so. They find joy in putting others before themselves. They get that you're to love your neighbor as yourself (Lev. 19: 18; Mt. 19:19).
There's only one drawback to being a "You" person. You won't be able to understand why others reject you when you reach out to them in love. Rejection hurts whether you understand why or not. Just keep praying for those you're trying to help; that they will come to see you as a dear friend and ally and not the enemy.
I can tell you that I've been both an "I" person and an "It" person, but I never felt truly human until I became a "You" person. Life's not always been a cakewalk for me. I didn't have a happy childhood. I had a troubled adolescence. I was pretty screwed up in the noggin by the time I reached young adulthood. I became a Christian at age 16, but it's taken me until age 41 to re-program myself so that I could think and live in a more Christ-like manner.
Look around at the people in your life. Who are the ones you can truly count on? Does the sum total of them even fill up the fingers of one hand? I hope yours do, because mine do not. The Marines used to say they were "looking for a few good men." I'm likewise "looking for a few good sisters." I relish being other people's go-to girl. I would also like to have some go-to girls of my own.
Love Y'all,
God Bless!
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4 comments:
Hi Tammy,
I think we all go through these stages. It is like faith, it matures with practice and time combined. Very few young people have lived through enough not to be selfish. Then you get in the money thing and it is all important. Then God lets you live long enough to get a glimmer of what He wants from you. Then I found true happiness.
I still have a long way to go to think of others only. I take so much pushing and then I push back and I am not usually smart enough to play the game. If I think it then I say it, no subtle inuendos, no sly comments. Sometimes I look back at what I have said and it apprears that I am backbiting but I am not. I really need help keeping my mouth shut.
You know, even Christ got mad and drove the sellers from the temple. Being angry is not a sin. I just need help in controlling when and what to say.
As far as how we have grown, we are the blessed ones if we continue to grow and change, and we all start at different places. We need to realize that others are changing too and we need to look at a person's actions today and not from the past, especially if we have known them for a long time. I was faced with that last week. A friend that I had disconnected from because she had a great love for money and things showed her change in attitude by her actions. I have to reevaluate her and accept her as she is today.
Christ does not remember the past if we ask forgiveness so we need to start from today also. It is a good rule to live by.
Tammy, you are not a jinx to Kevin or anyone else. You have a whole different attitude from what I expected and I am shocked that you opened up so much. You have always been a good and dependable friend. You are about as perfect as everyone else I know. I love you more because of your imperfections. And obvousily you are tolerant because you still deal with me.
All of this was very interresting to read.
I am really excited about this discussion.
I agree that in our lifetimes we all have to "come full-circle" as it were; to develop and mature into what God means us to become. A young lady was restored Sunday at church. I know for a fact that she's a fine, God-fearing young woman, but she's going through that young adult phase of having to deal with her new freedoms and she's quite overwhelmed by it all. I asked her, "How old are you?" She said, "23." I said, "Yep. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt." I told her that she's going through a phase that all of us as young women have had to contend with. Another friend backed what I said; that this is a maturation phase for her. I'm not worried about her soul. Her conscience works at peak capacity. She's gonna be fine.
Unfortunately, some of those who choose not to seek God get stuck in a rut and don't move forward. They just stagnate and rot where they got stuck. I've seen it happen. Sometimes they do well career-wise, etc., but they never give God the glory for any of it. I think He lets those people have their fun while they're here because there's none in the fate that awaits their souls.
I would like to amend part of my posting wherein I alluded to Solomon being the author of Ecclesiastes. Biblical scholars have that in dispute and we're not really sure who wrote Ecclesiastes, but it IS an intriguing book which I've read numerous times. It only sounds as if Solomon's life is being described. I would not want to mislead or misinform.
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