How To Have Friends

Our lesson this week is about fellowship, which is, in reality, friendship. In preparing the lesson, I remembered some horrible things from the past. I have certainly been mistaken before about who I thought were my friends. I also remember three movies in particular that dealt with general meanness and cattiness among teenage girls, and I have seen them all (“Mean Girls,” “Cruel Intentions,” and “Heathers”). Even worse, I have seen real life portray what happens in these films

How would you feel if you gave someone something out of thoughtfulness or did something out of kindness for them only to have them totally disregard your gesture of friendship? At first you’re shocked and appalled by their rudeness, then anger and hurt sets in. The truth is, some people do not know how to be friends and don’t care to be. Such people are an island and don’t make friends easily, or if they do, they don’t keep them very long. Their self-centeredness leaves no room for others. They won’t mind using you, though, when they need something from you. In their minds, the end justifies the means.

I marvel at how disrespectfully people treat each other. This is not limited to teenage girls either. Adults do it too. A so-called friend may backstab, tattle, or spread lies on someone just to defame their character. This is usually done out of jealousy, deceitfulness, anger or an inferiority complex, and we call it “office politics.”

True friendship is based on honesty and not hidden agendas. Consider tips from God’s Word about how to choose friends:

1. Make friends with others who walk with God (Psa. 119: 63).
2. Choose friends who will not hinder your Christian lifestyle (Prov. 12: 25-26 13: 20; Rom. 12: 10-13; 2 Cor. 6: 14; Heb. 10: 24-25).
3. Focus on the quality of your friends rather than the quantity (Prov. 18: 24).
4. A true friend will be real with you and call you on the carpet when you're doing wrong (Prov. 27: 5-6).
5. Friends will give you honest opinions and sound advice (Prov. 27: 9).
6. A friend will strengthen you (Prov. 27: 17; Eccl. 4: 9-10).
7. A friend sacrifices for you—perhaps even to the point of death (Jno. 15: 12-13; 1 Cor. 10: 24).
8. A quality friend is obedient to Christ’s commands (Jno. 15: 14-15).
9. A true friend puts others’ feelings and needs before her own (Rom. 12: 16-18; 1 Cor. 10: 24).
10. Friends are forgiving of one another (Eph. 4: 32).

“Sincere Friends:
Know my feelings.
Reveal to me how they feel.
Teach me about myself.
Are comfortable with silence.
Feel free to tell me the truth.
Give me freedom to fail.
Love me for who I am.

Superficial Friends:
Know only the facts about me.
Tell me what they’ve done.
Tell me about others.
Feel awkward with silence.
Would leave me if I let them down.
Love me for what I can do.”

~ from “Fit for His Excellence” by Sheri Rose Shepherd ~

Love Ya,
God Bless!