Have you ever stopped to consider that other souls are the only things we can take with us to Heaven? I'm not saying that we can take anyone who doesn't want to go themselves, but in the end, all we really have worth anything in this life are family and good friends. With me, the line between family and friends blurs because I consider my friends as family too. As to my best friend, we've been together since we were dropped in the same playpen as little folks. She and I always say we're sisters, because we are, in fact, sisters in Christ, and we were pretty much reared together. If she wasn't at my house, I was at hers. I consider her family mine and vice-versa. She can be real with me and bust my chops and I won't be offended. I call her husband my brother-in-law.
I put a very high premium on all my friends because they're most precious to me. I hope I never, ever take one of them for granted. Nothing's more heart-rending to me than the death of a friendship. I've prayed not just for my own, but for other peoples' relationships. I'm finally seeing God answer those prayers, and I was so amped up about it last night that I couldn't sleep. That's why I stayed up a little longer and thought about what to write in this post.
God's Word has lots to say about friendships. Here are just a few things:
1. True friends are fiercely loyal (Prov. 18: 24).
2. True friends are few and precious (Eccl. 4: 9-10).
3. True friends can be trusted to tell you the truth and will give you sound advice (Prov. 27: 5-6, 9).
4. True friends bring out the best in each other (Prov. 27:17).
5. True friends won't lead you away from God (Psa. 119: 63; Prov. 12: 25-26; 13:20; 2 Cor. 6:14; Heb. 10: 24-25; Jno. 15: 14-15).
6. True friends forgive each other (Eph. 4: 32).
7. True friends practice unselfish love for each other (Jno. 15: 12-13; Rom. 12: 10-13, 16-18; 1 Cor. 10:24).
For all of my friends who might be reading this, you're worth more to me than anything material I could ever own. I love you all very, very much.
Love Ya,
God Bless!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I Need Your Prayers
I am sorry that no new posts have been forthcoming lately. I'll hopefully be picking it up again this week. I've been working quite a bit and my writing had to take a back seat for a short while. Also, I've had lots of troublesome things on my mind, which I would prefer not to get into here. Suffice it to say that I need your prayers and encouragement right now because I'm greatly discouraged right now. All Christians get down from time to time. Also, I have been stubborn about asking for others' prayers in times past, but I would appreciate the enforcements right now. Send me your strength.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
How To Acquire Confidence
I spent most of my life being afraid of my own shadow. I can remember not wanting to be a shrinking violet and wanting to throw off my self-imposed prison, but being too paralyzed by fears of inferiority to do so. I was just a teenager – that point in life where the hormones are at a full boil and you don’t know how to find your calm center anyway. I hated it! When it followed me into adulthood, I wanted to scream in frustration because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired about it. It was then that I had my epiphany. God is the only true giver of the faith and confidence I was seeking. I kept that most pithy and easy-to-remember verse of Philippians 4:13-NIV in my head, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
My life changed dramatically in under a year. I don’t, as a rule, make New Year’s resolutions, but I vowed to petition God to remove my “thorn in the flesh” as often and as fervently as it was pestering me. I studied what the Bible had to say about courage and confidence and I came to realize some things about how to acquire the sought after prize I was asking for:
1. I needed to unburden myself by confessing all the sins in my life to Him, holding nothing back. I did just that. I asked God to forgive all the sins I had hidden in my heart and to forgive me and remove them. He promises to remove our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psa. 103:12). My confession included any and all hard feelings I had ever had towards others. Harboring such grudges and ill-will towards other people is such a waste of valuable time and energy which could be better channeled into the direction of improving yourself. Until you execute this first step you will be forevermore stuck in a rut and unable to move forward.
2. I asked God to use me and my specific talents to His glory. He already knew of my desire and I was giving myself over to Him to mold me and fashion me as He saw fit. I told Him I was afraid of getting out of my comfort zone, but that I desperately wanted to change that. I knew only He could do that for me. I believe that he sent the Spirit to fill in the holes in my self-esteem because it then became impossible to keep me down! All of a sudden my soul had a burr in its saddle and had to assert itself—NOW!!
3. Next, I focused on my passions to discover where they were. I found that I had a soft spot for teen girls. I was cringing at watching them try to negotiate life’s rocky waters, often flailing about and drowning. I started working with them through the oversight of the elders. My classes with them truly give my life deeper purpose and I consider my weekly meeting with them the highlight of my week.
4. Finally, I laid the ears back on what was really nagging me. I wanted to get over my fear of public speaking. I’m alright in front of people younger than myself, but getting up before my peers and older ladies was the most intimidating thing I could think of. I tackled that head-on and actually enjoyed myself, which surprised me. It was very cathartic for me and I plan to do it again, repeatedly, in the future.
I have read all sorts of books on self-esteem building, but I would like to share some notes from the Norman Vincent Peale book, “The Amazing Results of Positive Thinking.” They are listed under his heading, “The Kind of People People Like:”
a. Go beyond yourself—develop a kind of ecstatic joy and delight in living by getting rid of fear, anxiety, and self-centeredness. This develops a personality that flows outward toward others in kindness and faithfulness.
b. The deepest desire in human nature is to be appreciated.
c. Your best friend is the one who brings out the best that is within you.
d. Sought-after people seem to know how to help their friends accept themselves.
e. Self-conscious people are those who have never learned to accept themselves.
f. Be yourself. Don’t try to emulate anyone else—except Christ.
g. Don’t be easily annoyed.
h. Love your enemies (Mt. 5:44).
I would add to that to meditate on the following Bible verses:
Psa. 29:11 – “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.”
Psa. 34:4 – “I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”
Josh. 1:5,9 – “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you…Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Isa. 41:10 – “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Phil. 4:13 – “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
1 Jno. 5:14-15 – “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”
I wrote this piece because I want younger women still in their formative years and older women alike to slay their inner demons. It is the only way to squeeze all the flavor you can from each day and live your life in full-tilt boogie. I can honestly say that I wake up each and every day now so happy to be alive, so grateful for His gifts, and ready to conquer whatever God puts before me.
My life changed dramatically in under a year. I don’t, as a rule, make New Year’s resolutions, but I vowed to petition God to remove my “thorn in the flesh” as often and as fervently as it was pestering me. I studied what the Bible had to say about courage and confidence and I came to realize some things about how to acquire the sought after prize I was asking for:
1. I needed to unburden myself by confessing all the sins in my life to Him, holding nothing back. I did just that. I asked God to forgive all the sins I had hidden in my heart and to forgive me and remove them. He promises to remove our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psa. 103:12). My confession included any and all hard feelings I had ever had towards others. Harboring such grudges and ill-will towards other people is such a waste of valuable time and energy which could be better channeled into the direction of improving yourself. Until you execute this first step you will be forevermore stuck in a rut and unable to move forward.
2. I asked God to use me and my specific talents to His glory. He already knew of my desire and I was giving myself over to Him to mold me and fashion me as He saw fit. I told Him I was afraid of getting out of my comfort zone, but that I desperately wanted to change that. I knew only He could do that for me. I believe that he sent the Spirit to fill in the holes in my self-esteem because it then became impossible to keep me down! All of a sudden my soul had a burr in its saddle and had to assert itself—NOW!!
3. Next, I focused on my passions to discover where they were. I found that I had a soft spot for teen girls. I was cringing at watching them try to negotiate life’s rocky waters, often flailing about and drowning. I started working with them through the oversight of the elders. My classes with them truly give my life deeper purpose and I consider my weekly meeting with them the highlight of my week.
4. Finally, I laid the ears back on what was really nagging me. I wanted to get over my fear of public speaking. I’m alright in front of people younger than myself, but getting up before my peers and older ladies was the most intimidating thing I could think of. I tackled that head-on and actually enjoyed myself, which surprised me. It was very cathartic for me and I plan to do it again, repeatedly, in the future.
I have read all sorts of books on self-esteem building, but I would like to share some notes from the Norman Vincent Peale book, “The Amazing Results of Positive Thinking.” They are listed under his heading, “The Kind of People People Like:”
a. Go beyond yourself—develop a kind of ecstatic joy and delight in living by getting rid of fear, anxiety, and self-centeredness. This develops a personality that flows outward toward others in kindness and faithfulness.
b. The deepest desire in human nature is to be appreciated.
c. Your best friend is the one who brings out the best that is within you.
d. Sought-after people seem to know how to help their friends accept themselves.
e. Self-conscious people are those who have never learned to accept themselves.
f. Be yourself. Don’t try to emulate anyone else—except Christ.
g. Don’t be easily annoyed.
h. Love your enemies (Mt. 5:44).
I would add to that to meditate on the following Bible verses:
Psa. 29:11 – “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.”
Psa. 34:4 – “I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”
Josh. 1:5,9 – “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you…Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Isa. 41:10 – “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Phil. 4:13 – “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
1 Jno. 5:14-15 – “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”
I wrote this piece because I want younger women still in their formative years and older women alike to slay their inner demons. It is the only way to squeeze all the flavor you can from each day and live your life in full-tilt boogie. I can honestly say that I wake up each and every day now so happy to be alive, so grateful for His gifts, and ready to conquer whatever God puts before me.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Mean Girls: The Problem of Bullying
The following is my lesson for Sunday evening. Bullies are as old as time itself, but I thought some of my blog readers might enjoy the lesson too:
You know the scenario: They stop whispering when you enter the room, or they roll their eyes at any comment you make, they criticize the way you look, and they won’t engage you in conversation. It’s female aggression.
Have you ever been bullied, or have you ever acted like a bully yourself? On the surface, this may not seem like a biblical subject, but the Bible has plenty of bullies. There are Joseph’s brothers (Gen. 37: 12-36; Pharoh (Ex. 1: 8-22); Goliath (1 Sam. 17: 4-50); Saul, when he was trying to kill David (1 Sam. 18: 1-11); and King Herod (Mt. 2: 1-18), just to name a few. There was even a female bully named Jezebel (1 Kin. 18: 4, 13; 21; 2 Kin. 9: 30-37). In the Bible, the bully’s reign usually ended violently inasmuch as they were only stopped by a force that matched their own level of brutality.
MALES AND FEMALES BULLY DIFFERENTLY:
In the early teen years, social hierarchies are being formed. Boys and girls both show aggression towards others during this time, but males usually get into scuffles, name calling, stealing of personal property, and vandalism. Adults will step in right away to correct the very obvious problem. With female aggression, adults generally dismiss it and don’t react at all because girls are more quiet and covert about it and then put on their sweetest angel face as if to say, “Who, me?”
Females use alienation, exclude their targets on purpose from social events, spread rumors, and harass their peers. It’s the female bully’s nature to collect a gang of girls to assist her in manipulating her intended target. Girls are more likely to jockey for popularity by forming social alliances (think Survivor here) to gain even more power among their contemporaries. Female bullying may include the following:
· Deviousness (sneakiness);
· Vindictiveness (spiteful; seeking revenge);
· Practicing a selective memory;
· A need to control others;
· Twisting the truth to suit them;
· Having a party and wanting to exclude certain girls;
· Gossiping about girls who aren’t present; and
· Making negative comments such as, “She’s a loser.”
THE QUEEN BEE:
She is not necessarily the girls with all the looks, clothes, and money. This can be any female (teen or adult) who loves to manipulate people. She can get others to do what she wants by being underhanded. They’re afraid not to do what she says and obey her out of fear of retaliation. She uses her “friends” (potential victims) to do her bidding for her in helping her attack her victim.
Queen bees feel the easiest way to obtain friends is to unite with other girls against one victim. For her, bullying is a defensive tactic because the queen bee suffers from the same fear, anger, and lack of confidence she tries to create in others.
HOW CAN I STOP A BULLY?
Confront. Confront. Confront. The worst thing you can do is nothing because it only encourages and enables the bully’s behavior to continue. Refuse to be a victim. Stand up for yourself without being rude. Be assertive—not aggressive. Talk to her one-on-one at first. Let her know in a firm and forceful tone that you will not be intimidated by her behavior. If that doesn’t work, use the same tone to confront her to her face before others. This will embarrass and intimidate her, and hopefully she will knock it off. It will also cause others she has victimized to back you up.
TIPS FOR GIRLS WHO SUFFER FROM BULLYING:
1. Find a positive female role model, whether it’s your mother, or another older female relative or friend. This relationship will help you in your future interactions with other women throughout your life.
2. Find something that gives you a bigger sense of purpose. Getting involved in hobbies and different pastimes breaks some of the bully’s hold over you and can build your self-esteem.
3. Don’t try to force your way into a group that won’t accept you. Continuing to try only frustrates and depresses you. You’re no loser. You will make new friends who will love and accept you.
WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT HOW WE SHOULD TREAT OTHERS:
1. Treat each other with kindness and forgiveness (Mt. 25: 34-36; Luk. 6: 35-36; Rom. 12: 10-13; 1 Cor. 13: 4; Eph. 4: 32; Col. 3: 12-13; and 1 Pet. 3: 8-9).
2. None of us are any better than anyone else. God will lift up the humble (Psa. 145: 14-16; 16: 18-19; Prov. 27: 2; Isa. 57: 15; Mt. 18: 4; Mt. 23: 11-12; Rom. 12: 16; Luk. 14: 10-11; Gal. 6: 3-5).
3. We should exhibit a Christ-like character (Psa. 37: 23-25; 37: 37-40; Prov. 22: 1; Mt. 5: 16; 1 Cor. 11: 1; 15: 33-34; 2 Pet. 1: 3-8).
4. We’re to treat each other with love (1 Cor. 13; Heb. 13: 1-3; 1 Pet. 4: 8-9; 1 Jno. 3: 16-17).
5. Put yourself in someone else’s place. Treat them how you would want them to treat you (Luk. 6: 31).
CONCLUSION:
How we treat others can keep us out of the kingdom of Heaven. If we hate people in our everyday environment, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ, then who do we expect to spend eternity with?
You know the scenario: They stop whispering when you enter the room, or they roll their eyes at any comment you make, they criticize the way you look, and they won’t engage you in conversation. It’s female aggression.
Have you ever been bullied, or have you ever acted like a bully yourself? On the surface, this may not seem like a biblical subject, but the Bible has plenty of bullies. There are Joseph’s brothers (Gen. 37: 12-36; Pharoh (Ex. 1: 8-22); Goliath (1 Sam. 17: 4-50); Saul, when he was trying to kill David (1 Sam. 18: 1-11); and King Herod (Mt. 2: 1-18), just to name a few. There was even a female bully named Jezebel (1 Kin. 18: 4, 13; 21; 2 Kin. 9: 30-37). In the Bible, the bully’s reign usually ended violently inasmuch as they were only stopped by a force that matched their own level of brutality.
MALES AND FEMALES BULLY DIFFERENTLY:
In the early teen years, social hierarchies are being formed. Boys and girls both show aggression towards others during this time, but males usually get into scuffles, name calling, stealing of personal property, and vandalism. Adults will step in right away to correct the very obvious problem. With female aggression, adults generally dismiss it and don’t react at all because girls are more quiet and covert about it and then put on their sweetest angel face as if to say, “Who, me?”
Females use alienation, exclude their targets on purpose from social events, spread rumors, and harass their peers. It’s the female bully’s nature to collect a gang of girls to assist her in manipulating her intended target. Girls are more likely to jockey for popularity by forming social alliances (think Survivor here) to gain even more power among their contemporaries. Female bullying may include the following:
· Deviousness (sneakiness);
· Vindictiveness (spiteful; seeking revenge);
· Practicing a selective memory;
· A need to control others;
· Twisting the truth to suit them;
· Having a party and wanting to exclude certain girls;
· Gossiping about girls who aren’t present; and
· Making negative comments such as, “She’s a loser.”
THE QUEEN BEE:
She is not necessarily the girls with all the looks, clothes, and money. This can be any female (teen or adult) who loves to manipulate people. She can get others to do what she wants by being underhanded. They’re afraid not to do what she says and obey her out of fear of retaliation. She uses her “friends” (potential victims) to do her bidding for her in helping her attack her victim.
Queen bees feel the easiest way to obtain friends is to unite with other girls against one victim. For her, bullying is a defensive tactic because the queen bee suffers from the same fear, anger, and lack of confidence she tries to create in others.
HOW CAN I STOP A BULLY?
Confront. Confront. Confront. The worst thing you can do is nothing because it only encourages and enables the bully’s behavior to continue. Refuse to be a victim. Stand up for yourself without being rude. Be assertive—not aggressive. Talk to her one-on-one at first. Let her know in a firm and forceful tone that you will not be intimidated by her behavior. If that doesn’t work, use the same tone to confront her to her face before others. This will embarrass and intimidate her, and hopefully she will knock it off. It will also cause others she has victimized to back you up.
TIPS FOR GIRLS WHO SUFFER FROM BULLYING:
1. Find a positive female role model, whether it’s your mother, or another older female relative or friend. This relationship will help you in your future interactions with other women throughout your life.
2. Find something that gives you a bigger sense of purpose. Getting involved in hobbies and different pastimes breaks some of the bully’s hold over you and can build your self-esteem.
3. Don’t try to force your way into a group that won’t accept you. Continuing to try only frustrates and depresses you. You’re no loser. You will make new friends who will love and accept you.
WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT HOW WE SHOULD TREAT OTHERS:
1. Treat each other with kindness and forgiveness (Mt. 25: 34-36; Luk. 6: 35-36; Rom. 12: 10-13; 1 Cor. 13: 4; Eph. 4: 32; Col. 3: 12-13; and 1 Pet. 3: 8-9).
2. None of us are any better than anyone else. God will lift up the humble (Psa. 145: 14-16; 16: 18-19; Prov. 27: 2; Isa. 57: 15; Mt. 18: 4; Mt. 23: 11-12; Rom. 12: 16; Luk. 14: 10-11; Gal. 6: 3-5).
3. We should exhibit a Christ-like character (Psa. 37: 23-25; 37: 37-40; Prov. 22: 1; Mt. 5: 16; 1 Cor. 11: 1; 15: 33-34; 2 Pet. 1: 3-8).
4. We’re to treat each other with love (1 Cor. 13; Heb. 13: 1-3; 1 Pet. 4: 8-9; 1 Jno. 3: 16-17).
5. Put yourself in someone else’s place. Treat them how you would want them to treat you (Luk. 6: 31).
CONCLUSION:
How we treat others can keep us out of the kingdom of Heaven. If we hate people in our everyday environment, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ, then who do we expect to spend eternity with?
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