How To Acquire Confidence

I spent most of my life being afraid of my own shadow. I can remember not wanting to be a shrinking violet and wanting to throw off my self-imposed prison, but being too paralyzed by fears of inferiority to do so. I was just a teenager – that point in life where the hormones are at a full boil and you don’t know how to find your calm center anyway. I hated it! When it followed me into adulthood, I wanted to scream in frustration because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired about it. It was then that I had my epiphany. God is the only true giver of the faith and confidence I was seeking. I kept that most pithy and easy-to-remember verse of Philippians 4:13-NIV in my head, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

My life changed dramatically in under a year. I don’t, as a rule, make New Year’s resolutions, but I vowed to petition God to remove my “thorn in the flesh” as often and as fervently as it was pestering me. I studied what the Bible had to say about courage and confidence and I came to realize some things about how to acquire the sought after prize I was asking for:

1. I needed to unburden myself by confessing all the sins in my life to Him, holding nothing back. I did just that. I asked God to forgive all the sins I had hidden in my heart and to forgive me and remove them. He promises to remove our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psa. 103:12). My confession included any and all hard feelings I had ever had towards others. Harboring such grudges and ill-will towards other people is such a waste of valuable time and energy which could be better channeled into the direction of improving yourself. Until you execute this first step you will be forevermore stuck in a rut and unable to move forward.
2. I asked God to use me and my specific talents to His glory. He already knew of my desire and I was giving myself over to Him to mold me and fashion me as He saw fit. I told Him I was afraid of getting out of my comfort zone, but that I desperately wanted to change that. I knew only He could do that for me. I believe that he sent the Spirit to fill in the holes in my self-esteem because it then became impossible to keep me down! All of a sudden my soul had a burr in its saddle and had to assert itself—NOW!!
3. Next, I focused on my passions to discover where they were. I found that I had a soft spot for teen girls. I was cringing at watching them try to negotiate life’s rocky waters, often flailing about and drowning. I started working with them through the oversight of the elders. My classes with them truly give my life deeper purpose and I consider my weekly meeting with them the highlight of my week.
4. Finally, I laid the ears back on what was really nagging me. I wanted to get over my fear of public speaking. I’m alright in front of people younger than myself, but getting up before my peers and older ladies was the most intimidating thing I could think of. I tackled that head-on and actually enjoyed myself, which surprised me. It was very cathartic for me and I plan to do it again, repeatedly, in the future.

I have read all sorts of books on self-esteem building, but I would like to share some notes from the Norman Vincent Peale book, “The Amazing Results of Positive Thinking.” They are listed under his heading, “The Kind of People People Like:”

a. Go beyond yourself—develop a kind of ecstatic joy and delight in living by getting rid of fear, anxiety, and self-centeredness. This develops a personality that flows outward toward others in kindness and faithfulness.
b. The deepest desire in human nature is to be appreciated.
c. Your best friend is the one who brings out the best that is within you.
d. Sought-after people seem to know how to help their friends accept themselves.
e. Self-conscious people are those who have never learned to accept themselves.
f. Be yourself. Don’t try to emulate anyone else—except Christ.
g. Don’t be easily annoyed.
h. Love your enemies (Mt. 5:44).

I would add to that to meditate on the following Bible verses:

Psa. 29:11 – “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.”

Psa. 34:4 – “I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”

Josh. 1:5,9 – “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you…Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Isa. 41:10 – “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Phil. 4:13 – “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

1 Jno. 5:14-15 – “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”

I wrote this piece because I want younger women still in their formative years and older women alike to slay their inner demons. It is the only way to squeeze all the flavor you can from each day and live your life in full-tilt boogie. I can honestly say that I wake up each and every day now so happy to be alive, so grateful for His gifts, and ready to conquer whatever God puts before me.