Scared of My Own Shadow

When I was little, I used to hide behind my mama's or daddy's legs. I pretty much kept that state of mind for the first 40 years of my life. Back then, it was called being "bashful" or "painfully shy." I do remember the painful part. Today, they call it the high-falutin' term of social anxiety disorder/phobia.

Whether it was a piano recital during my elementary/junior high years or a presentation for a class during my high school years, I remember the agonizing beforehand, sometimes for weeks or months prior. I would get physically sick. I would have zero appetite, my stomach would churn, and I couldn't sleep in the period leading up to such events. I felt literally paralyzed by the fear.

So what was I afraid of? Perhaps I was afraid of mean-spirited criticism, being publicly humiliated, and extreme failure. Add to that the fear of knowing that other people know you're scared and you cannot conceal it because your body tells on you. Your knees knock, your voice quivers, and your hands tremble. Worst case scenario is that you actually faint from the dizziness caused by your racing heart. I have actually fainted twice in my life, much to my chagrin.

Here I am. Hi, my name is Tammy and I'm a recovering phobic of social anxiety. I did actually pull myself out of it. How? For starters, I got sick and tired of it and examined the problem to see if my fears were justified or irrational. Despite all the "cons" I could think of, my fears weren't rational.

Next, I learned to gain some control over the physical side of it by getting more sleep, learning relaxation techniques, making better dietary choices, and medication. I'm a Type-A personality, so this is an ongoing process.

As for the spiritual side, I had a "come-to-Jesus" talk with my inner self and told her that fear was a tool the devil used to hinder her in her faith and progress. Just remember:

1. Your audience is not your enemy. They're on your side and want you to succeed. Their attentiveness, comments, smiles and nods mean that they're pulling for you.

2. I am not to fear what man can do to me. God did not intend for His children to be constantly afflicted with fear.

A. Matthew 6:25-27 - Worrying is futile (in fact, it only makes matters worse);

B. Matthew 10: 28 - The only one I need to please is God Himself. I need not fear what others can or might do to me. Nor do I need to fear what they think of me because God esteems me. I'm very valuable to Him (v. 31).

It's very humbling to admit that I struggled with this for the largest part of my lifetime. If you do, I sympathize and I want you to overcome it as well. Talk to me. I'll hold your hand. Life is much more fun when you escape this self-imposed prison.

Love Ya,
God Bless!