Mean Girls: The Problem of Bullying

The following is my lesson for Sunday evening. Bullies are as old as time itself, but I thought some of my blog readers might enjoy the lesson too:

You know the scenario: They stop whispering when you enter the room, or they roll their eyes at any comment you make, they criticize the way you look, and they won’t engage you in conversation. It’s female aggression.

Have you ever been bullied, or have you ever acted like a bully yourself? On the surface, this may not seem like a biblical subject, but the Bible has plenty of bullies. There are Joseph’s brothers (Gen. 37: 12-36; Pharoh (Ex. 1: 8-22); Goliath (1 Sam. 17: 4-50); Saul, when he was trying to kill David (1 Sam. 18: 1-11); and King Herod (Mt. 2: 1-18), just to name a few. There was even a female bully named Jezebel (1 Kin. 18: 4, 13; 21; 2 Kin. 9: 30-37). In the Bible, the bully’s reign usually ended violently inasmuch as they were only stopped by a force that matched their own level of brutality.

MALES AND FEMALES BULLY DIFFERENTLY:

In the early teen years, social hierarchies are being formed. Boys and girls both show aggression towards others during this time, but males usually get into scuffles, name calling, stealing of personal property, and vandalism. Adults will step in right away to correct the very obvious problem. With female aggression, adults generally dismiss it and don’t react at all because girls are more quiet and covert about it and then put on their sweetest angel face as if to say, “Who, me?”

Females use alienation, exclude their targets on purpose from social events, spread rumors, and harass their peers. It’s the female bully’s nature to collect a gang of girls to assist her in manipulating her intended target. Girls are more likely to jockey for popularity by forming social alliances (think Survivor here) to gain even more power among their contemporaries. Female bullying may include the following:

· Deviousness (sneakiness);
· Vindictiveness (spiteful; seeking revenge);
· Practicing a selective memory;
· A need to control others;
· Twisting the truth to suit them;
· Having a party and wanting to exclude certain girls;
· Gossiping about girls who aren’t present; and
· Making negative comments such as, “She’s a loser.”

THE QUEEN BEE:

She is not necessarily the girls with all the looks, clothes, and money. This can be any female (teen or adult) who loves to manipulate people. She can get others to do what she wants by being underhanded. They’re afraid not to do what she says and obey her out of fear of retaliation. She uses her “friends” (potential victims) to do her bidding for her in helping her attack her victim.

Queen bees feel the easiest way to obtain friends is to unite with other girls against one victim. For her, bullying is a defensive tactic because the queen bee suffers from the same fear, anger, and lack of confidence she tries to create in others.

HOW CAN I STOP A BULLY?

Confront. Confront. Confront. The worst thing you can do is nothing because it only encourages and enables the bully’s behavior to continue. Refuse to be a victim. Stand up for yourself without being rude. Be assertive—not aggressive. Talk to her one-on-one at first. Let her know in a firm and forceful tone that you will not be intimidated by her behavior. If that doesn’t work, use the same tone to confront her to her face before others. This will embarrass and intimidate her, and hopefully she will knock it off. It will also cause others she has victimized to back you up.

TIPS FOR GIRLS WHO SUFFER FROM BULLYING:

1. Find a positive female role model, whether it’s your mother, or another older female relative or friend. This relationship will help you in your future interactions with other women throughout your life.

2. Find something that gives you a bigger sense of purpose. Getting involved in hobbies and different pastimes breaks some of the bully’s hold over you and can build your self-esteem.

3. Don’t try to force your way into a group that won’t accept you. Continuing to try only frustrates and depresses you. You’re no loser. You will make new friends who will love and accept you.

WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT HOW WE SHOULD TREAT OTHERS:

1. Treat each other with kindness and forgiveness (Mt. 25: 34-36; Luk. 6: 35-36; Rom. 12: 10-13; 1 Cor. 13: 4; Eph. 4: 32; Col. 3: 12-13; and 1 Pet. 3: 8-9).

2. None of us are any better than anyone else. God will lift up the humble (Psa. 145: 14-16; 16: 18-19; Prov. 27: 2; Isa. 57: 15; Mt. 18: 4; Mt. 23: 11-12; Rom. 12: 16; Luk. 14: 10-11; Gal. 6: 3-5).

3. We should exhibit a Christ-like character (Psa. 37: 23-25; 37: 37-40; Prov. 22: 1; Mt. 5: 16; 1 Cor. 11: 1; 15: 33-34; 2 Pet. 1: 3-8).

4. We’re to treat each other with love (1 Cor. 13; Heb. 13: 1-3; 1 Pet. 4: 8-9; 1 Jno. 3: 16-17).

5. Put yourself in someone else’s place. Treat them how you would want them to treat you (Luk. 6: 31).

CONCLUSION:

How we treat others can keep us out of the kingdom of Heaven. If we hate people in our everyday environment, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ, then who do we expect to spend eternity with?